


Somewhere Only We Know

by abbi_with_an_i



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Child Abuse, Childhood Friends, Flashbacks, M/M, Non-Graphic Abuse, Nostalgia, homophobic slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-19
Updated: 2015-05-19
Packaged: 2018-03-31 06:56:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3968689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abbi_with_an_i/pseuds/abbi_with_an_i
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren revisits the woods where he and Levi spent most of their childhood together. </p><p>"Why are the happy memories with him the ones that hurt the most?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere Only We Know

**Author's Note:**

> I get the motivation to write something and its fucking a n g s t. I actually don't like the feeling of nostalgia because it's usually coupled with the knowledge that you'll never be able to go back to those times. So of course no better way to get out my nostalgic feelings than to write angst for my favorite OTP :^) aaaalso, sorry for any weird formatting, I'm not quite sure how this all works quite yet.

          The trees above me were thick and winding and they kept the forest thoroughly shaded as I walked amongst the foliage. The path I was walking was second nature and scenery around me was familiar and brought an overwhelming nostalgic ache to my chest.

 

          I came back here often by myself, but no matter how many times I came here alone, no matter how many new memories I made by myself, I couldn’t drown out the memories of him. He was there at every turn. I’d see an old fallen tree and be reminded of when we used to climb around on it as children, or I’d see a chipmunk and think of the times we used to bring food to feed the animals sometimes.

 

          Being in this forest hurt like hell. Because this was our place. A special place for only me and Levi. Being here with anyone else felt wrong and foreign, and being here by myself felt empty.

 

          I came across a large familiar rock and let a small smile grace my lips.

          _We were sitting against a tree not far away from the rock when an idea struck my mind. A brilliant idea thought up by my eleven-year-old mind that could not go wrong._

_“Levi. Hey, Levi. Wanna act out Mufasa’s death scene on that rock?” I nudged him in the side._

_“One of us is going to end up getting hurt Eren. It’s not a good idea” He sighed. He probably knew I wasn’t going to let it go that easily._

_“Aw, come on! I’ll let you be Scar.” I persuaded. Apparently that was all it took before Levi was up on his feet and heading towards the rock._

_“Hey that got you on board pretty fast. If didn’t know any better I’d say you_ want _to push me off a rock.” He was already at the base of the boulder and was starting to climb._

_“I do. Are you going to get up here, or stay down there like a bum? This was your idea.” I rushed to follow him up and before I knew it I was hanging from edge of the rock and Levi’s hands were ready to pry my fingers off. Before he did it though, he looked me in the eye and quoted “Long live the king.” And I was plummeting to the ground._

_As it turns out, freefalling a good 12 feet with nothing to break your fall is likely to cause some injuries. The result was a broken bone in my leg, and I used Levi as a crutch to get out of the forest that day._

 

          With that fond memory, came a clenching heart and the realization that I would never make such memories with him again. My smile dropped and I continue walking.

 

          I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and ended up stumbling into a small open meadow. This place held a lot of our history. We would come here and sit in the grass to look at the sky, and we would just talk. About everything and nothing. It’s where I came out to him, where he came out to me, but more memorably…

 

          _“That cloud looks like a dragon, don’t you think Levi?” We were lying in the middle of the field watching the clouds roll by like we usually did when we had nothing better to do. We found this place six years ago when we were both nine, and ever since, we would come here to talk, or just sit in a comfortable silence._

_“No. It looks like a cloud.” I sighed at that. Levi was never any fun with this kind of thing. He was always so blunt literal, like he had a broken imagination or something. But his bluntness was part of his charm, part of the reason I fell in love with him. After a few moments of silence, I felt I had enough courage built up, and that I better tell him before I lose it._

_“Hey, Levi?”_

_“Yeah?” He turned his head to meet my eyes; blades of grass tickled his nose._

_“I, uh, I li… I like… you…” I trailed off but hopefully he had gotten the message._

_“I like you too. That’s kind of why we’re friends…?” He replied confused. I huffed out a laugh at his obliviousness._

_“No I… I like you as more than a friend. Like, a boyfriend.” I turned my head away from him to hide my blushing face._

_“I kind of like you too. As a boyfriend, I mean.” He replied after a minute. My eyes widened and I turned to face him again. His eyes were soft and there was a small smile on his face. I returned the smile as I felt his hand grasp mine._

The nostalgia was hitting hard. Why are the happy memories with him the ones that hurt the most? I kept walking. This time I sort of knew where I was heading.

 

          After a few minutes’ walk, I came to a gentle river, I followed the flow down the river until I saw what I was looking for. I segment of the river where a large fallen tree had fallen to create a bridge of sorts. When it was too hot to be in the meadow, we would come here and dangle our feet in the water from the log. This is where I last saw Levi.

_It was the beginning of summer after we graduated from high school. We wanted to spend as much time here as possible because both of us were heading off to college next year and wouldn’t be able to come here as often as we used to._

_The hot time of year was starting and it was starting strong, with almost 100 degree weather in the end of May. We had both rolled up our pants and taken off our shoes in favor of kicking our feet around in the water. I sighed contentedly. I was happy here, in these old woods, clasping Levi’s hand in mine. Of course I was going to miss this, luckily Levi and I were able to get into the same university, but these woods were still very special to us, and I don’t think we’d ever find anything to replace them in Trost._

_“Are excited for next year?” I asked, breaking the comfortable silence between us._

_“Sure. I mean , you know how long I’ve waited to go to college,” it was true, Levi had been talking about going to college ever since we were little. I think it was the independence from his family that excited him most. His parents were never best parents. I’d often see him with bruises all over. Sometimes shaped like fingerprints on his wrists, or sometimes shapeless lumps on his side or ribs. Whenever I brought them up he’d always find some kind of an excuse for them or he’d change the subject. But I had known him long enough to be able to tell when he’s lying. I was certain the bruises were his parents doing, but there wasn’t much I could do when no adults would believe me. He was so close to finally being free of them._

_“I’m glad we’re going together, and to a good school too.” I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind and focus more on the conversation at hand._

_“Yeah. I’m going to miss this place though.” He gestured to the forest around us. “So many memories.” I could only nod. Content silence settled between us once again._

I felt tears form behind my eyes and I knew I couldn’t stand being here for much longer. But there was one more place I wanted to visit before leaving.

 

          While the last time I saw Levi was on that log, I did talk to him one more time that night on the phone.

 

          _We were both at our houses, only a ten minute walk from each other, going over arrangements for university. We both filled out roommate application forms so we would be able to room together and were going over rules for the dorm. It was getting pretty late when I heard a large slamming of a door come from Levi’s side of the phone. I scrunched my eyebrows._

_“Levi? Are you okay?” I got no response, but heard another thud, this time of Levi’s phone hitting the floor._

_“Levi?” I felt myself get a bit panicky. The distinct voice of Levi’s father hit my ear and I knew something bad was going to happen. I could hear both their voices but I couldn’t make out what either of them was saying. I could tell, however, when Levi’s father started kicking him. He walked closer to where Levi’s phone was and I could make out some of what he was saying. He said something about his son being gay and a disappointment to the family. He must have found out about me and Levi somehow, and I knew this wasn’t going to end well considering Mr. Ackerman’s history of violence and prejudice against gay people. But there was one thing he said that really stuck out to me._

_“I don’t know why you haven’t killed yourself yet faggot. I think I may do you a favor and save you the trouble.” I lost it. I had to hang up on Levi to call the police, even though I didn’t feel safe leaving Levi on his own. I gave the 911 operator Levi’s address and started sprinting over there myself._

_By the time I arrived, the police had just gotten there. They went inside to investigate and I was forced to stay outside. I paced back and forth in his yard waiting for them to come out, and when they did, I sort of wish I hadn’t been there to see it._

_Mr. Ackerman was being escorted out of the house with his hands cuffed behind his back. There was blood all over him. But the worst think came after Levi’s father. I saw two paramedics carrying a stretcher covered by a sheet. I looked with panicked eyes at one of the paramedics coming out of the house, and she looked at me with sad, downcast eyes and just shook her head._

_So I guess that was the last time I really saw Levi. But I don’t like to count that._

 

          My legs were on autopilot, carrying me to where I wanted to go. Tears were freely streaming down my face and onto the forest floor. I arrived at my last stop.

 

          A large willow tree that Levi used to love. Back when we were 17 we carved out initials into it and surrounded them with a heart in the cliché way they do in the movies. When Levi’s died, I came here and carved an ‘R.I.P.’ next to Levi’s name.

 

          I come here because this was Levi’s favorite place, and sometimes I can still feel him with me when I’m here. It’s almost as if he never left and if I closed my eyes, maybe I could trick myself into believing that he was still there standing next to me. The leaves of the willow rustle with the slight breeze and I smile a sad smile. This was the kind of day that Levi loved and if he was here, perhaps we would sit underneath this willow listening to the breeze, or perhaps we would lay out in the meadow watching the wind blow the clouds by.

 

          It was silly to humor these thoughts though, because no matter how much I may have wanted it, Levi was never going to come back to me. The ache in my chest increased at the thought and I turned to leave our woods. Before walking away, I inhaled shakily, willing the tears not to come back full force, and left these woods with a watery, tearful goodbye.

 

          “I miss you Levi...”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if you find any mistakes in the tenses. I had trouble staying in past tense for some reason. Let me know of any errors and I'll take a look at em.


End file.
